Evolution is a Joke

Listen folks, if evolution were a reality, mothers would have 6 arms. Leaving Bible study last week I was carrying my book bag, my purse, the diaper bag, Max and his carrier. Mason had a bag of Skittles. He finished them as we were walking to the van and said, "Mom, would hold my trash?" I didn't know whether to crack up (laughing, not mentally) or whack him with ... oh wait - I didn't have a free hand. I bet octopus mothers are the best mothers because they have all those arms!

Along the same lines, I went to the Christian book store yesterday to pick up some mugs for my precious Women's Ministry team members. I was so excited about the trip. I love the store, and look forward to every trip. I had both of the younger boys with me, but my joy remained! I picked up my mugs, and since I had a coupon, I picked up a bunch of other junk I didn't need because of the coupon. Mason shoved something at me and began the begging routine. Since I had the coupon, and it was only 99 cents, I agreed. Unfortunatley, when we got back in the van I discovered I had bought him one of those giant punching balloons. Dang it! In the van Max began to scream, I couldn't find the van key and Mason kept shoving the balloon at me wanting it blown up. Can't you just imagine pulling up beside us in the parking lot? I broke the law and left them in the van as I opened the door (5 feet away) and asked if my key was on the counter...it was. I fixed Max a bottle and he quieted down, then I blew up the balloon. Mistake! All the way home my precious firstborn whacked me in the back of the head with the thing. Thunk, Thunk, Thunk, Thunk. If I'd only had a FREE HAND, he might have received a thunk himself!

Blogger's Block

My sweet buddy Sharon was suffering from Blogger's Block awhile back and took the opportunity to reflect on the early years of her marriage. I seem to be having a bit of the block myself, so all 3 readers of my blog will, today, get to find out how I met my incredible man.

It was 1996, and Blake was on every TV in Kansas about 140 times per day! He was so famous. He had dated one of my good friends for awhile, but I never met him while they dated. Now I'm suspicious that she kept me away from him because she secretly understood that we were meant for each other!

I was supposed to be working, but I hated my job and used every opportunity I could to get out of that place. I went to his store to check out a cell phone that I didn't really need and couldn't really afford, and wouldn't you know it - "THE" Blake Baysinger was in the store and was the salesman that helped me. After informing me that Jennifer was his favorite name, I was hooked. Admittedly - I was starstruck. I bought the phone and every accessory and additional service offered. But unfortunately - there was a problem with my activation so (darn it) I had to go back to the store. This is where my version and Blake's version part ways. He claims I stalked him - I claim I didn't. He asked me to see about rounding up some of those small phone books, because their dealer was out. I took it seriously and followed up...what else did I have to do? It's not like I was gonna work at my real job! So when I came back to report that I couldn't find any of the phonebooks THAT HE SENT ME LOOKING FOR he deduced I was a stalker...who he promptly asked out to dinner. I think he's just jealous because his son Marcus has the Chex Mix Stalker, and he wants a stalker of his own! Ha!

We hit it off like crazy and, other than a few blips here and there, dated for about 2.5 years before getting married. Oh...and I ended up getting fired from the job I hated because I went to Cancun when Blake took his whole company as a reward. Can you believe that? My boss just didn't seem to understand my priorities. Actually...I guess he did.

Marcus' First Dance

Marcus attended his first high school dance this past weekend! Two girls wanted to go with him, but he chose to go "stag". The first girl is his Chex Mix stalker, so I understand his refusal to go with her, and I don't know the second girl, so no comments there. He practiced his moves all day, and had even printed out a WikiHow page on "How to Dance at Homecoming." We watched a how-to video on YouTube and learned all the moves to Michael Jackson's "Thriller", too...just in case.

I begged Blake to be the one to drive him to the dance. Marcus and I always have the craziest time together, and this was no exception. We got ready to pull out of the driveway, and Mason came sprinting toward the car screaming. He wanted to ride along, and while I didn't see any harm in it, Marcus was less than thrilled. First - Mason was wearing two things...his underwear and a Mr. Incredibles pajama shirt. Second - Mason has a habit of popping out of my sunroof and shouting at Marcus as he leaves the car. The last episode has left Marcus scarred for life and involved Mason yelling about Hostess Ding Dongs as Marcus walked up the busy sidewalk into the school. I promised Marcus that I would not allow Mason to embarass him, and off we went.

When we arrived, Marcus lost his nerve and so we sat and watched other people go in. After awhile, we noticed we'd fogged up the windows, and he didn't really want to be seen exiting a car driven by his stepmom with steamy windows...and I understood. So we drove around the block and I almost got the Jag highcentered, but that's another story. When we got back to the school, he was finally ready to make his entrance. He looked so nice in his fancy duds. Sidenote - while Marcus was in the dressing room trying on the clothes for the dance, Mason made his way in to the dressing room, too, and began to yell - "MARCUS. MARCUS BAYSINGER. - Oh there you are. (peeking in between the door opening) Hey! You're in your underwear!". Poor Marcus. Is there really anything more embarassing for a 14 year old?

He had a great time at the dance and even danced with his Chex Mix Stalker. Poor girl - she followed him around the whole night and shot evil looks at the other girls Marcus danced with. Oh how I miss the drama! I have pictures, but I'm missing my card reader. When I find it - I'll post the pics!

Mr. Onion's Part Two

As I posted last time, whenever Aiden and Mason get together, bloggable moments abound. Here are a few more of my favorite overheard conversations from day two:

Mason: "AIDEN SAID HE'S GONNA KILL ME!"
Aiden: "No, I didn't. I said that maybe we could talk your mom into taking us to McDonald's Playland. Maybe that rhymes with kill."

Aiden: "Could you call my principal?"
Me: "Why?"
Aiden: "I want to know if it's 'Bring a Friend To School Day'. I'd like to bring Mason."

Mason: "Me and Aiden pottied at the same time in the toilet."
Aiden: "We were playing lightsabers."

Mason: (when we were dropping Aiden off at school) "Are those your teachers?"
Aiden: "Yes".
Mason: "Wow! They're beautiful!"

Mr. Onion's?

I'm keeping the Meade kiddos while their parents are out of town, and every time Mason and Aiden get together, bloggable moments abound! Today they were BEGGING to go to McDonald's for lunch. Since Blake, the fast food Nazi was home, I would never consider feeding children fast food, we kept trying to divert their attention, but they weren't buying. Finally, Blake told them that McDonald's had to close down due to high energy bills and now, in its place, is a restaurant called Mr. Onion's. He told them that Mr. Onion's only serves onions...not even onion rings...just raw onions. They no longer serve pop...only water. He was really convincing - even pretending to phone Mr. Onion's and verify the story. He "found out" during the phone conversation with Mr. Onion's manager that they even closed down all Playlands and converted them to gardens for growing their onions. Finally, the boys decided they would call the McDonald's in Andover and check out the whole story. Mason put the phone on speakerphone, and we dialed the number. I swear, I almost wet my pants when the following exchange was taking place:
Female Employee: "Hello, Andover McDonald's."
Mason: "Did you change your name to Mr. Onion's?"
Female Employee: (pause) "Excuse me?"
Mason: (Louder and impatiently) "DID. YOU. CHANGE. YOUR. NAME. TO. MR. ONION'S?"
Female Employee: "Uh...No."
Mason: (shouting) "SEE DAD! Thank you. Bye."

It took a full five minutes for Blake and I to regain our composure. When I finally got it together, I lost it again when Aiden concluded..."Well - we could always just go to Burger King."

Shots and Pics

Today Max had to get shots at the doctor's office, and while we were there, the nurse asked if Mason would prefer FluMist instead of the injection this year. Of course - the answer was yes! Can I tell you how much less drama there is in letting the nurse spritz a mist into your child's nose versus sticking him with a needle? Wow! I decided to take the mist version myself, and so we're both protected. I officially recommend FluMist to moms with needle shy kiddos...and aren't they all?

Here are a few more pics of Mason and Quinn from Uncle Jason and Aunt Mindy's wedding: